From Atascocita to Anacostia...

I considered myself "urban" when moved to DC. I mean... we lived in the 3rd ward in Houston! Granted, it was a patio home inside a gated neighborhood, but still. And I think it was the 3rd ward... it's one of them. There were homeless people sleeping in abandoned houses a few blocks away, occasionally I would witness drug deals, and I wouldn't run by myself after dark. So naturally I thought I had street cred. Until Thursday night, that is...

Let me paint a picture for you. We had our weekly HH for LivingSocial at Rockit Bar, next door to our new office we moved in to on Tuesday. This is the first HH I've really "attended", I've only been to one other event but I had to leave after one drink. Well Thursday, the drinks & sushi were flowing, and I was in the mood to party. I closed 2 deals last week, we moved to a new office, I've been really good about working out... I had a reason to reward myself! Zeke told me to have fun, don't worry about what time I get home, and just call him when I hop on the metro and he will pick me up from the Pentagon stop.

10:00 pm rolls around, and they closed the free tab I decide it's time to call it a night. I shoot Zeke a text that I'm headed home and walk downstairs to catch a train, so pick me up at Pentagon in 10 minutes. Without getting into too much detail, I always take the Yellow train to and from work. And I've noticed that the Green train stops at some of the same stops. When I looked at the train schedule, I didn't see ANY Yellow trains for the next 30 minutes, but there was a Green train coming in 5. Naturally, after 4 or 5 beers, I thought "Well, since there aren't any Yellow Trains, I'll just hop on the Green and it will take me to the Pentagon"! Problem solved. The Green trains pulls up, I hop on, and everything is kosher. So I thought.

My first clue should have been the crowd on the metro. Again, I have street cred from living in the 3rd ward, so I'm comfortable in most situations. A diverse crowd doesn't scare me. I can also recite most Dr. Dre, Jay Z, Common, and Bone Thugs songs verbatim. Gangsta. But when I looked around at my fellow train riders, it resembled a scene from Boys In The Hood. I wasn't quite sure what to think... I've never been on the metro after 6:30 pm, so I assumed it was just the "late crowd" and minded my own business. A few stops down, I started to realize that I don't recognize ANY of the stops we are passing. I turn to the lady sitting next to me and asked "Say gurl- when we gone be at da Pengaton stop?" Ok, ok... I should have said that. I really said  "Excuse me maam, but when are we going to be at the Pentagon?"

She looked at me like I was crazy and responds "Honey, you all kindza confused. Dis da Green line. We stoppin' at Anacostia next".

Oh. Sh*t. Anacostia??? ANACOSTIA??? Isn't that the place they always talk about on Criminal Minds??? Where the HELL am I?? Let me tell you where the hell I was according to Wikipedia:

Anacostia is a historic neighborhood in Washington, D.C.Its historic downtown is located at the intersection of Good Hope Road and Martin Luther King Jr. Avenue. High crime rates, associated with drug trade, reached a peak in the 1990s. In 2005, 62 of the 195 homicides in Washington, D.C., occurred in the 7th District of the Metropolitan Police Department, which also includes the neighborhoods of Barry Farm, Naylor Gardens, and Washington Highlands. This figure is down from the 7th District's peak of 133 homicides in 1993. As of the 2000 Census, Anacostia's population is 92% African-American, 5% Non-Hispanic White, and 3% other.

Immediately I panicked. But I was trying to play it cool... the number one rule in 'da hood is never show fear. I got off the train, took the escalator up so I could get cell phone service, and tried to call Zeke. Ring.... Ring.... Ring.... Ring... nothing. I proceeded to call him 10-15 more times... nothing. What do I do??? The lady working the metro information booth didn't really feel like answering my questions and kept acting like she couldn't hear me through the bullet proof glass, she didn't care that I just moved to the city and am lost, she told me just wait outside and a cab will come. Thanks, b*tch.

I was waiting on some corner outside of the metro for about 20 minutes, several cars were passing me, and I was worried someone though I was a prostitute! Good thing I was wearing my brown lesbian show boots, I think it sent the non-prostitute vibe. I took my engagement ring off and put it in my pocket... I don't want people jackin' me for my bling! No cabs. Anywhere. I was obsessively calling Zeke, and have never felt so stranded and lost in my life! I started cyring hysterically... so much for not showing fear. And my puffy jacket, designer jeans, and furry snow boots didn't exactly help me "blend in". I should have had a big sign above my head that said ROB ME. I was a sad, sad sight.

Finally after 30 minutes... my phone rings and it's Zeke. I yelled a bunch of cuss words, still hysterically crying, and he couldn't understand anything I was saying... all he could make out was "Anacostia" and "no cab". He apologized profusely, he fell asleep fully clothed, sitting straight up on the couch while watching Jersey Shore. Nice work, babe. While you were napping, I've been wandering around a real live ghetto trying not to get murdered and robbed.

As I'm on the phone with him, a cab magically appears and drops a guy off at the metro entrance. It was as it the clouds parted and God spoke to me- Hallelujah! I sprinted across the street and hopped in the car... still crying... I'm sure cab driver was confused. After I calmed down and caught my breath, I told him my story, and he said "Ohhh man... your husband is in deep sh*t, huh?" Precisely.

That was probably my 2nd scariest experience ever. My 1st was with Tara and Emily in Acuna, Mexico  our freshman year of college- we were handcuffed at gunpoint by the federalies for trying to seal beer from a storage room of a bar. But that's a story for another time.

**And sorry to the people on my email list who are getting this for the third time, the formatting was all messed up so I had to keep deleting and reposting.